Why does Kristin think Simon Pegg is in love with Tom Cruise? I also believe that now, but only since hearing him on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me recently.
More important: WHAT MOVIE WERE WE TALKING ABOUT?
11:11 AM Kristin: SERIOUSLY? he's dateable because his dad wrote a book of philosophy
me: plus, Einstein - live for other people or whatever?
11:12 AM Kristin: yeah, cause there's no one else to quote if you study philosophy
11:13 AM also, do novelists only come from small towns in the midwest??
11:14 AM because that makes me a sweet girl and brilliant writer who's simply the victim of big city circumstance!
me: I don't know.
She didn't like publish her novel though, right?
Kristin: i don't know i'm still mid movie
well, towards the end
11:15 AM me: I love how in the movies people are always like "I'm working for a little literary magazine." like it's not glamorous but it pays the bills. Like jobs at little literary magazines are basically the same as jobs at McDonald's.
Kristin: i know.
what a crapfest.
11:17 AM me: he's not even cute or funny
there was exactly one place in the whole movie where I smiled in response to something that happened
Kristin: mostly i gape at how horrible
11:18 AM me: yeah I was just slightly angry most of the time I was watching
11:19 AM Kristin: oh. she's so michigan.
me: but I'm usually slightly angry
did she point to her hand?
Kristin: ?
me: you know, to say where she was from
wait, is she from port huron?
that's where Kelly is from
or is she from another port
11:20 AM Kristin: oh! no not yet
me: no, I don't think she does that
Kristin: yes huron
me: that was just the only thing I could think of that michigan people do
Kristin: they're also sort of quiet. understanted. kind.
me: oh,
Kristin: you know. it comes from being so rural.
me: like eminim
11:21 AM Kristin: yes! or people from detroit.
me: kid rock
ted nugent
I get it
good people
Kristin: bruce...campbell...
shit i know no one from michigan.
famous i mean.
11:22 AM me: madonna
Kristin: really???
me: just think of wholesome people
Kristin: do we really believe stars behave this way?
Kristin: naked all the time?
who is the actress we're told is his mother?
me: no idea
is she a real actress?
Kristin: no i assume made up.
i mean, an actress in life, but i assume the movies are fake?
11:26 AM
11:31 AM and seriously, does this girl only love one movie?
ah nice, the scene where he rides the woman. appropriate.
11:33 AM oh! in order to kiss her he flippantly tosses her novel aside!
immediate engagement ring!
11:34 AM wait. the comedic ending is that he burned her novel?
me: hilarious
Kristin: well she doesn't need it. now she has a man who certainly she can find at the bars.
me: and she's like "oops!"
doesn't she look like she's worried about him getting hurt?
not shocked that her life's work is destroyed?
Kristin: yes. yes she does.
me: although, she's probably spent a lot of time preparing herself emotionally for that eventuality
11:35 AM Kristin: true
me: since she's writing her novel longhand in a tiny book she carries around in her purse
Kristin: it's a short story really
just enough to bide the time till she meets someone
me: I love her writing process
11:36 AM "Well, my boyfriend isn't here yet, I guess I'll write my novel for a while while I'm waiting for him at the bar."
11:37 AM Kristin: "sigh. hes not going to make it. that's enough writing tonight."
me: I mean, we're not supposed to believe that she uses that notebook to jot down thoughts about her novel
we're to believe that that IS her novel
Kristin: right
it's the unrevised original full length novel
11:38 AM several pages of which are gone from wine
maybe the alcohol explains why it went up in flames so quickly. why didn't her friends intervene?
11:39 AM me: maybe they were too shocked
by the blocking the view
Kristin: ugh that bothered me.
me: the fact that she was just like "oh this shithead is here, I guess I'll kiss him on the mouth"
Kristin: "yes! he's datable now that he's a total loser again."
11:40 AM i mean honestly, are we supposed to believe assholes are great guys because the only other option is sell out?
me: I hate it when epiphanies have no evidence to support them in movies
Kristin: how OLD are we/
me: I feel like you should always include in the formula a period of weeks or months in which he actually redeems himself
between the moment of realization and the culminating kiss/engagement/burning of novel
11:41 AM I feel like we could write a better script, even though we are so boring
Kristin: i will make a movie where a total asshole wants to get the girl and is thwarted by her successful dickish boyfriend. in the end both men will be left with only the other, and the realization that they are two sides to the exact same personality.
me: I don't object to formula
Kristin: i don't either!
11:42 AM formula is fun! hence magnetic fields!
me: can the two men then realize that they hate women so much they can only have sex with each other
Kristin: y.e.s.
can the successful man be played by tom cruise? i now believe that simon peg is in fact desperately in love with tom cruise.
11:43 AM me: i want you to also watch ghost town now
Kristin: i rented hound dog and just buried
michael and i will watch one at 6:30 if you care ot join us.
me: a movie in which the woman chooses the putzy twit instead of very good looking human rights lawyer
like he's good in every way
but she picks Ricky Gervais because...
11:44 AM I think it's because he made a funny semi-racist joke
Kristin: of course! he's irreverent.
fucking sellouts.
me: the premise of the joke was the chinese names often sound like slang english terms for penises
oh ho ho ho
Kristin: with their cultural understanding.
me: long wang dong!
11:45 AM ha ha ha !!!!
I don't want to see Hound Dog
I didn't know I didn't want to see it until I saw how many copies they have at Top Ten
11:46 AM Kristin: i have rented one of those copies
me: that's the dakota fanning rape movie, right?
Kristin: yes
me: you're not wrong to do so
I'm the irrational one
Kristin: it appears to be a movie in which a white girl teaches a black man about the blues.
should be great.
6 comments:
How to Lose Friends and Alienate People. The recurring Simon Pegg motif is the clue!
I also remember that evening watching Just Buried, and Kristin commenting at the time that we were on a roll of murder-comedies or funeral-home-comedies, but for the life of me I can't remember what Just Buried was part of the roll with...
1. Michael got it FAST. That was awesome.
2. I have no clue whatsoever what Just Buried was paired with. This is proof we need to chat about movies more, so someone can later post the chat and then a 3rd party who is mentioned in the chat can answer the question at hand.
3. I have just seen a Mission Impossible movie, and that is why I believe Simon Pegg loves Tom Cruise. Today you can simply Google them and see hundreds of photos of what the internet calls their "man date."
4. It is two and a half years since this chat and I have still not seen Hound Dog. It is now in my Netflix queue. That's right, my not seeing Hound Dog has survived the death of the small video store, the death of Netflix, and the birth of Quickster.
Oh! Maybe Death at a Funeral?
NOTE: KELLY IS FROM BAD AXE, NOT PORT HURON. I apologize for this terrible mistake. I can only imagine I was thinking of Port AUSTIN, which is near Bad Axe. Still, it's embarrassing.
Death at a Funeral was a very unfunny movie! Then Chris Rock was like, "This movie was hilarious, but no one saw it, so I think we should remake it RIGHT AWAY."
I had to look up Death at a Funeral. Okay, wacky drug mixup, guy on a roof, sex dwarf (SEX DWARF!), I remember this, sorta, but not really. It must have been awful. Why Chris Rock would remake it I have no idea, but I am oddly inclined to give Chris Rock a pass on his career decisions.
Tangents!
Finally, that Michigan hand thing is just the worst.
This chat is just like old times. I want Michael to come over for a movie at 6:30 tonight. I am playing "Feels Like Old Times" in my head. The version sung by Diane Keaton in Annie Hall, where they are breaking glasses and yelling loudly in the club.
Post a Comment