I almost forgot, but for the the deafening internet hysteria

New Moon is out. I was going to see it and be sarcastic, but Peter Bradshaw at the Guardian has done it for me: "There will be no end to the parade of neo-horror archetypes who are not getting anywhere near Bella's silver ring of abstinence." Consider Mr. Bradshaw officially invited to this blog.

Twilight (Lydia's response)

(Edward and Bella try very hard not to make out)

First, I would like to get out of the way some of my political response to this movie:

1. Twilight should be part of an abstinence-only sex ed
curriculum. Again and again, the following message is reiterated: if you lose control of your natural desires, if you pursue the pleasure you want for even a second, you will quite literally die a horrible death.

2. It is a textbook abusive relationship:

• Bella overlooks Edward's bad behavior because she loves him so much.
• Only she can see how beautiful he really is (because he only shows his glitter-paint on the top of the mountain to her).
• He isolates her from her family (and says it's best for them if she ends her relationship through painful lies).
• He blames her (and her attractiveness, and how much he loves her) for his desire to physically assault her.
• He shyly admits that he's been sneaking into her room because he likes to watch her sleep. In real life, this sort of behavior is categorically NOT cute or endearing.
• When she says she's not afraid of him he replies "You shouldn't have said that" and proceeds to do his best to scare the shit out of her. How sweet.

Deep breath. So Twilight might be a dangerous film, because it enforces some really terrible lessons about humans in relationships with each other, but I would not quite say it's a bad film. There's an undeniable authenticity about the teen drama of this movie that I love. (Undeniable because, for one thing: look at the box office. Something about this movie--and the books it is based on--succeeds with teenage girls).

If you look at Catherine Hardwicke's career, you will notice that directing is not her biggest credit. She has been production designer on about three times as many films as she has directed. Look at what CH has directed though: the powerful and hard to watch Thirteen, which she co-wrote with then-thirteen-year-old actress Nikki Reed who plays (unfortunately few scenes as) this bitchy/hungry vampire in Twilight. Between Thirteen and Twilight, Hardwicke directed two other teen movies I have not seen, with two other, very different stories of teen life: The Lords of Dogtown, which is about California surf culture in the 70s, and The Nativity Story, which is...the nativity story. (I did not see this movie, and now I kind of want to. I think the only reason I remember it at all is because there was some understated controversy around the fact that Keisha Castle-Hughes -- you remember her from Whale Rider -- was herself a pregnant unmarried teen during the time she played pregnant unmarried teen Mary. Irony? Or something...?)

Twilight captures a sort of absurd, sincere emotion that exists only in impossibly intense teen relationships. The endless gray background, the modest overacting, and the simplicity of the characters all contribute to this honest excess. Kristen Stewart's performance comprises mostly earnest lip-biting and sullen-but-mature voice over narration, while Robert Pattinson as Edward reminds me a little of Danny Zuko, asserting his masculinity with every swaggering step. The supporting characters, while they lack dimension I suppose, refreshingly refuse to conform exactly to the age old dichotomies of high school life: nerd vs jock, rebel vs princess. I give Twilight credit for surrounding Bella with a group of friends each of whom is some degree of nerdy, athletic, clever, likable and self-possessed.

I love the way symbolism is slathered all over the surface of this movie. There is nothing subtle about Twilight (just as there is nothing subtle about being seventeen and hopelessly and tragically in love in ways no one else could possibly understand). Bella's first interaction with Edward takes place in front of a convenient fan, a fan that blows her hair back as if she were in a music video. In much of this scene, Edward's face is perfectly framed by the outstretched wings of a stuffed owl: cherubic and nocturnal.

I have only read the first twenty pages of the Stephanie Meyers novel on which Twilight is based; it is exactly the sort of book (best-selling, plot-driven and extremely long) I tend to avoid for fear of having to explain why I hated it to likable smart fun people who loved it. But actually, from the beginning of the book, I suspect Twilight may prove to be an exception. Maybe the first person narrative justifies the sloppy writing in this case? Bella lacks self-awareness and while this is probably not craft (a couple of interviews have convinced me that S Meyers lacks any pretense of being interested in, you know, words or whatever), but it works. Sure, I am disappointed that Meyers (like JK Rowling) achieves celebrity while Jaclyn Moriarity remains unheard of, even among avid kidlit readers, but it is unfair to judge a work by what it is not.

p.s. I enlightened a lot of people by making (less elegantly) this connection after (okay, and during) the movie. I love the internet!

Twilight - Kristin's Review

Though it pains me to write this, the time has come (why was I not prepared?) for Angel to step down. I never thought I would say this, but yes, Joss Whedeon's "billowly coated king of pain" has absolutely been out-brooded. Where Angel peers mournfully from beneath his inhuman brow, Edward forces a vicious seethe from an impossible brow *and* chin. Where Angel's dialogue breaks off dramatically to highlight his unspeakable sadness, Twilight's characters stammer and choke, forcing themselves through dialogue so broken and unthinkable no one can bear to complete a sentence. It's like Mamet, but with one-way angst in place of meandering pretension. The critic who called Edward's character "overly Byronic" is to be recognized for what must be the understatement of the century. Never before have I seen a monster stand in the sun and demand that his love look upon his loathsomeness only to twinkle and glisten so fabulously in the light. Traditionally, vampire narratives explore a beast with two natures--a thin veneer of irresistible beauty that barely stretches to conceal the unhinged monster beneath. The audience is almost always treated to a moment in which the film or novel indulgently pulls back the curtain, showing the viewer what fine clothing and exotic pretense are cultivated to conceal. Not so with Twilight. Each step we take into the Cullen's world reveals them to be more lovely than we previously thought. Their life is the ultimate civilization of the beast, and thus at every stage a more noble enterprise. By contrast Jacob, the only character who exhibits any actual kindness or thoughtfulness, appears increasingly animalistic the more he steps up to be Edward's only rival. In the end, I predict a battle between dick hipster city kids (their clothes so colorless, their hair so finely gelled) and the earthy hyper-spiritualized Native Americans (in every scene accessorized with dreamcatchers and airbrushed wolf imagery). The film will insist the battle is epic, and no doubt Edward will yet again (perhaps many times) stand over Bella's beaten body and rage about how her injuries hurt him more, that he'd have spared her exposure to this world out of love, but well, you know how he gets when he smells her. Bella will cling to Edward with an attachment that is more accurately desperation, and theirs will be a love for the ages, torn directly from the pages of a handbook on how to identify an abusive partner. Ultimately, Twilight is very much like the Cullen family--I know it will be my undoing, but I enjoy it. I know it's monstrous to look upon, but I cannot tear myself away. For the rest of these movies I'll be sitting near the front, demanding more angst, more melodrama, possibly a mix tape. [Photo: Excuse me, I believe you dropped your thinly-veiled metaphor.]

Note: a *lot* of the experience of watching this movie is an excruciating exercise in trying to figure out where you've seen all these actors before. If you want to save yourself the pain, imdb it beforehand. A large number of them have never been in anything I've heard of, so I suspect they're simply bred to look familiar. B list celebrity spotting is fun though, and there are some pleasant surprises (NINA MYERS, WILL YOU NOT DIE?!).