Christmas Injustice

I am watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the stop motion animation featuring a number of finely needle-felted animals and Burl Ives singing with a banjo. WHAT could be better I ask you?

I'll tell you what would be better. It would be better if the song Ives sings while strumming a banjo actually had a banjo in it.

I submit, for your consideration, exhibit A:

A snowman, clearly strumming a banjo.

Now I submit to you exhibit B: A recording of Ives singing the song, the same recording that appears in the film.

You will note, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that while a banjo appears visually, no banjo can be heard in the song.

Where is the banjo, Ives?!? BANJO PLAYERS OF THE INTERNET WANT TO KNOW. WE DEMAND THE LOST TABS.

Ho Ho Horror: Silent Night, Deadly Night

Much has been made about the controversial nature of a killer dressed as Santa Claus. Perhaps it is my wizened historical perspective, but I just don’t see the problem. It’s not like Jesus is on a rampage here, and the film bends so far over backwards to present a psychologically compelling reason why a man in a Santa suit my go on a killing spree that the average viewer (read: Lydia, Chris, myself) forgets after the first half hour that they’ve rented a horror movie and not a tragic character drama about the results of too much exposure violence, nipples, and a catholic education. Did we need a reason to believe seasonal Santas might go berserk? I’ve heard David Sedaris’ Santaland Diaries, and I firmly believe that madness is a tragic but inevitable side effect of the season. Sadly, this Christmas special has no consumer commentary at all—it’s more a morality tale on the power of sex and violence to turn even the sweetest strapping young milk-drinker into an axe-wielding murderer. The psychology is delightfully hysterical, more so the more the nun and the cop insist that Billy’s hatchet spree has “a logic to it!” Really? Logic? I understand that naked babysitters get a beat down, but did the kindly shopkeeper and his assistant have to die? Does the tiny jammied tot who swears she’s been good all year really deserve a bloodied box cutter? When you rent Silent Night, Deadly Night, you enter a world where illogic reigns king, and your only hope for survival lies in a roomful of friends willing to suffer through this screening with you. I am happily anticipating our upcoming screening of its sequel. [Photo: Billy lives for just two things: MILK! and to PUNISH!]

Tag lines released with the movie:
* You've Made It Through Halloween, Now Try and Survive Christmas.
* He Knows When You've Been Naughty
* He's Dreaming of a Red Christmas
* Shocking... Disturbing... the Movie They Tried to Ban
* If A Nightmare On Elm Street gave you sleepless nights, or if Halloween made you jump in every shadow, or if Friday the 13th was more frightening than others... THEN BEWARE! [I assume this is a warning that these movies will produce sequels?]